How Do You Go Forward?

Unfortunately, my father passed away at 5:07 p.m. on December 9, 2014.  Probably about twelve hours after my last post.  I expressed my thoughts about losing him, as he was not expected to live longer than a few days. Instead, he passed away later in the day on December 9th.  This was not a surprise to me, as he was very sick the past year.  He basically died from respiratory failure secondary to emphysema and pneumonia.  He had been on oxygen 24 hours a day.  Still, it is quite hard to accept that he is gone.  I have moments of denial, followed by extreme sadness and moments of acceptance.  I was with him when he took his last breath.  He had asked for “my boys” early in the morning on Monday, December 8th.  When mom told him we were there, he opened his eyes wide, looked at us, and gave us a “salute type” wave.  I am really grateful I was there for that.  Dad was definitely one of the good guys.  Protective, loving, supportive, stern, reliable, trustworthy, responsible.  He treated my mother like a queen.  They were teenagers when they started their romance, surviving 56 years of marriage.  Truly remarkable and inspiring.  I am twice divorced.  (Being a recovered alcoholic, I never knew how to be in a loving relationship.)  I can only hope that I too will discover a relationship like my parents had.

This is one of those situations where someone passed away during the Christmas holiday.  We’re making it through, enjoying the joy and love and magic of the season.  It’s hard to tell what it will feel like next season.  Being Christians, we truly do love celebrating the birth of our Savior, so that will make things easier.  Christmas is mom’s very favorite time of the year, so I hope that her joy and excitement for the season is able to survive through the coming years.

So how do you go forward when something like this happens?  Basically, you do it one day at a time just the same way you stay sober.  That, and by the grace of God.

I will truly miss you dad.

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