Why do I feel so empty?
Eyes closed, I see
Only gray.
Not even darkness.

I hear my heart thumping
In my head and
I wonder why
I’m even here.

I clasp my hands together
As if in prayer;
Maybe I’m hoping my
Inherited faith will
Accord me some dimension.

This cold emptiness
Undermines me, and,
To an extent, adds
To my predicament.

Too many things interrupt
My awareness of meaning,
Which feeds my
Uncertainty.

I vacillate, not sure
If it is “I” that believes
Or my ancestors
Believing through me.

If my meaning has been
Stamped on my heart by
Someone else, someone
Who is not me,
Someone who is less than God,
Then it is a phony meaning,
And is, perhaps, why I
Feel so empty.

©2017 Steven Barto

Published by The Accidental Poet

I am a Christian in recovery following four decades of active addiction. I earned a B.S. in Psychology and an M.A. in Theology from Colorado Christian University. My focus is on evangelism and apologetics, working with individuals struggling with mental health and active addiction. I believe in the power in the Name of Jesus to break every chain. Counseling must include discipline, and discipling must include counseling.

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