Shame vs. Guilt

Shame Depends on How We Believe We are Viewed by Others Due to our Behavior; Guilt Involves the Awareness of Having Done Something Wrong.

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED that many people use the words shame and guilt interchangeably. This is regrettable because, from a psychological perspective, they actually refer to different experiences. Guilt and shame sometimes go hand in hand; the same action may give rise to feelings of both shame and guilt, where the former reflects how we feel about ourselves and the latter involves an awareness that our actions have injured someone else. In other words, shame relates to self, guilt to others.

Looking first to the dictionary definitions, we see the following:

  • Guilt. A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
  • Shame. The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, hurtful, etc., done by oneself or another.

As noted before, in everyday language people tend to use these words more or less interchangeably. From a therapeutic perspective, the distinction can be most important and useful. Many people crippled by shame have very little capacity to feel guilt, for example. In order to feel guilt about the harm you may have done to somebody else, you must recognize him or her as a distinct individual. A person who struggles with interpersonal relationships, or who has a mental illness—such as attachment disorder, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar disorder—might not feel true guilt even if he or she were to use that word to describe a feeling.

Many people who display narcissistic behavior often suffer from profound feelings of shame, but have little authentic concern for other people; they don’t tend to feel genuine guilt. The lack of empathy found in narcissistic and other personality disorders makes real guilt unlikely since guilt depends upon the ability to intuit how someone else might feel.

When shame is especially pervasive, it usually precludes feelings of genuine concern and guilt from developing; the sense of being damaged is so powerful and painful that it crowds out one’s feelings for anyone else. In such cases, idealization often comes into play. Other people are then viewed as perfect, “the lucky ones” who have the ideal shame-free life we crave. Envy may be at the root of these thoughts.

SHAME

Shame says, “There’s something inherently wrong with me that isn’t wrong with everyone else.” It tells you that you’re worthless and incapable. Therefore, you must find some way to prove your own worth. At its worst, shame says, “I am outside the love of God.” A person with a shamed sense of identity reads the Scriptures and usually feels condemned. Unfortunately, far too many believers are feeling dirty, worthless, ashamed of themselves; convinced their offenses are beyond the reach of the cross. Having such a poisonous attitude about yourself can lead to belief that you are unclean and therefore unworthy to approach God and have the living and intimate relationship that He wants to have with you. Shame prevents us from intimacy with God because it makes us feel unworthy and distant from Him.

Shame causes us to make statements like this:

  • I often think about past failures or experiences of rejection.
  • There are certain things I cannot recall about my past without feeling guilt, shame.
  • I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again.
  • I feel inferior.
  • There are aspects of my appearance that I cannot except.
  • I am generally disgusted with myself.
  • I feel that certain experiences have basically ruined my life.
  • I perceive myself as an immoral person.
  • I feel that I have lost the opportunity to experience a wonderful life.

Healing from shame involves learning to get our sense of value and significance from God. We need to get out from behind the secrecy of this idea that we are unsalvageable because shame is grown in secrecy. Remember, we’re only as sick as our secrets. We have to start counting our blessings and develop a grateful spirit.

GUILT

There are some significant differences between guilt and shame. Guilt is what takes place when a person realizes their failure. The source of guilt—”conviction,” if you prefer— is the Holy Spirit. To be sure, true guilt is a good thing. It helps us judge our behavior against the laws, it allows for restitution, punishment, and making amends. It allows us to pay for what we have done. False guilt involves sin we’ve repented of and asked for God’s forgiveness, but where the devil still pushes us to feel unreedemed. He wants us to see ourselves as the sum of all our bad behaviors and nothing more.

With guilt, we are motivated to confess. Get it out in the open. Find a way to make amends for our actions. Shame, however, wants us to internalize. Stew in our complete badness. Feel horrible about who we’ve become, while forgetting who we now are in Christ. The goal of guilt is ultimately forgiveness. Shame would rather we feel pain and total condemnation. The end result of dealing effectively with guilt is freedom and growth. The point of shame is, quite simply, bondage. Someone who takes ownership of his or her guilt has the potential of giving their body over to God as a living sacrifice. We become open to doing good. Sharing our testimony. Preaching the Good News. On the other hand, shame owns and controls us. The cycle of shame leads to anger, bitterness, resentment, self-hatred, and depression. There is no peace with shame.

The Day Guilt Was Born

Shame and guilt did not exist initially in the Garden of Eden. But no sooner had Eve defied God and taken a bite of the forbidden fruit, these emotions fell over her like a dark shadow. Their silhouettes followed her until her dying day. She would be buried in their cold presence. And as Adam followed in his wife’s footsteps, two more shadows were born. Guilt and Shame are conceived in their rebellion. We are painfully acquainted with them today. We would love to part with them, but they won’t leave us alone. Although these two emotions are related, they aren’t identical. Guilt is typically linked to an event: I did something bad. Guilt says, “I made a mistake; please forgive me.” Shame is tied to a person: I am bad. Shame says, “Please forgive me, I am a mistake.” Guilt is the wound, whereas shame is the scar it leaves. While guilt is seeing what you’ve done, shame is seeing yourself as a complete failure because of what you’ve done. Guilt allows us to look at the sin (the offense). Shame involves focusing on a deep-seated sense of self-denigration.

Shame and False Guilt Create Strongholds

If we continue to ruminate on our past failures, it will wear us down spiritually. Satan takes over, aiming at getting us to see a distortion of who we are—especially who we have become through Christ. Satan wants us to look at our past failures so much that we begin to see ourselves as nothing but failures! He doesn’t want us to see who we truly are. He’d rather keep us thinking about all the bad behavior until all we see when we look in the mirror is a dirty sinner. The complete opposite of who and what we really are in Christ.

In fact, shame is one of those things the Bible speaks of as an imagination that must be cast down. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” An imagination is an image in your mind that is inaccurate. If you see yourself as a failure, when you’re actually a washed-in-the-blood child of God, you’ve fallen victim to an imagination that must be dealt with.

Shame is very destructive to relationships—especially with God. There is a good reason Satan wants us to feel like failures and dirty sinners who cannot be redeemed. Feeling that way keeps us from confidently approaching God’s throne and having an intimate relationship with Him. Scripture tells us that God wants us to draw near to Him with a clean conscience that has been freed from dead works. We’re not expected to forget the wrongs we’ve done, especially if such behavior led to dire consequences, such as broken hearts and destruction of relationships. Hebrews 9:14 says, “How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God” (NIV). Timothy speaks of this “pure conscience” (see 2 Timothy 1:3).

Shame and false guilt are based upon deception, which is the opposite of truth. So how are we supposed to worship God in Spirit and truth if there are imaginations hanging around in our minds that are contrary to the truth? But how do we defeat or overcome these bear traps? First, we need to stop dwelling on our past failures. Are you ignoring them? Am I? Not really. When we dwell on them as if they’re not forgiven and forgotten by God, we are ignoring the lie that our sin has not been adequately dealt with and washed away. In other words, we are actually meditating on ghosts! Sins that no longer exist. Micah 7:19 tells us, “You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (NIV).

We must deal with our shame by reminding ourselves of how God has dealt with our guilt.

Disassociate, Don’t Disavow

Why do you think God wants us to be new creations? Because He wants us to no longer be in bondage to our past. We’re to disassociate ourselves with the people, places, and things that were a part of our sinful past. Paul succinctly writes, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV). Psalm 103:12 says, “…as far as the east is from the west, so far he has removed our transgressions from us.” Not only are we to accept that our sins are forgiven, we need to leave them there and press forward toward the things God has for us. Philippians 3:13b-14 says, “…forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (NIV).  God has been merciful toward our unrighteousness, and says “…their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more” (Hebrews 8:12).

Coming from a past history of active addiction, and involvement in 12-step programs, I can’t help but refer to the following words contained in the Ninth Step Promises: “We don’t regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.” This is especially applicable in recovery. I recall hearing from an old timer at a meeting years ago, “…we have to get to the point where we stop seeing our past as a liability and start seeing it as an asset.” Whether we’re working with others in recovery or sharing our testimony with unbelievers, our past experiences—good or bad—are tools, indeed assets, for helping others. This is a practical application of the doctrinal concept that we have become a new creation through our faith in Christ Jesus.

CONCLUDING REMARKS

Because we were designed by God to feel guilt, we all should have the capacity for it. But sometimes we are not clear about its underlying motivation. If your fear of getting caught is greater than your desire to heal your relationships, then you are suffering from an unhealthy guilt and it is likely to be with you for a long time. Trust me, I’ve been there. Shame feels bad as well, but it is different from guilt. Shame is the painful feeling of disconnection from others that comes from feeling defective. You may think you feel bad because of things you have done, but shame is a bad feeling that you have about yourself, and you had that feeling long before you committed any of the things you think caused it.

Guilt and shame are strong emotions that we need to acknowledge and deal with before our relationships will go well. To manage guilt, we must do things differently. Being honest about wrongdoing, repenting of it, and seeking forgiveness are things we can do in response to guilt. To deal with shame, we must actually be different. That is, we must be vulnerable and experience what it is like to share our feelings honestly with others in ways that change us and help us be a better person.

All of us walk around with some degree of shame. We can’t talk ourselves out of it, or even have someone else explain to us why we shouldn’t feel it. No one can be cured of shame, but we all can experience healing. When we are courageous and vulnerable enough to open ourselves up to God’s grace, we will experience what it is like to feel complete acceptance down to our very core. Courage, vulnerability, and acceptance heal shame. And experiencing that with God heals it in the most powerful way.

God forgives you; you must learn to forgive yourself.

 

 

Being in Relationship With God

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? (Psalm 42:2) (NIV)

What a fantastic Scripture reference. It speaks of a profound desire to commune with God. As I often do, I grabbed Eugene H. Peterson’s The Message Remix: The Bible in Contemporary Language, and I turned to Psalm 42. Peterson translates the first few verses as follows: “A White-tailed deer drinks from the creek; I want to drink God, deep drafts of God. I’m thirsty for God – alive. I wonder, ‘Will I ever make it – arrive and drink in God’s presence?'” (The Message)

Let’s consider what it means to be in a relationship. Dictionary.com says relationship is “a connection, association, or involvement…an emotional or other connection.” We are social animals. God created us that way. Genesis 2:18 tells us God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (NLT) So it is only natural that we are created for being in relationship with God. Obviously, all relationships require work. They don’t just happen. When it comes to a relationship with God, we tend to feel as though we inherited our faith from our parents, and that we are one of His. Although family does have an impact on what we believe, the time comes when we must decide for ourselves. Until we make that decision, there is no real basis for relationship.

Foundation is important in all things, including relationships. Decide what you truly feel about God and tell Him. He’s big enough. He can take it. You can’t tell Him something He hasn’t already heard. My mentor and friend from church  believes in writing a letter to God. You might be thinking, as I did initially, “But God must know this stuff already, right? He knows the number of hairs on my head.” True, but the letter will serve as a cement slab on which you can erect your relationship with God. (Write out your concerns, doubts, and feelings in long-hand. I recommend not using your laptop for this exercise. A handwritten note is more personal.)

The number-one key in a good relationship is knowing your expectations.  Once you establish the base for your relationship with God, you can begin to build upon it every day through prayer and devotional reading of the Scriptures. I can’t overstate this point: Don’t sit on negative feelings too long. Otherwise, you will develop an offense or resentment toward God. Satan loves this because it tends to cut us off from God. As much as this is true in relationships with friends, family, or spouses, it is more so in a relationship with your Heavenly Father. The longer you wait to talk, the harder it gets. If you’re mad at God, go to Him as soon as possible. Preferably in a private place.

Man-Kneeling-In-Prayer-Silhouette

Relationship is about finding and meeting God. As Perrott puts it, “It’s about starting and nurturing an honest relationship with our Creator. It’s about coming to terms with ourselves.” Sarah Young is the author of a daily devotional titled Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence.” Her reading for March 17, says, in part, “Come to Me for understanding since I know you far better than you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity; no detail of your life is hidden from Me. I view you through eyes of grace, so don’t be afraid…when no one else seems to understand you, simply draw closer to Me. Rejoice in the One who understands you completely and loves you perfectly.”

The following comments are from Chip Ingram, Teaching Pastor at Living on the Edge. I was truly shocked by how much I could relate, minus the Marine upbringing part. Relationships, whether with a spouse or Almighty God, cannot be fear-based. Having a real, intimate relationship with God is not about using the right words, spiritual techniques, twisting God’s arm, or trying to live a perfect life. As we grow closer to Him, we come to see that He already knows our heart.

I spent many years living under a performance mentality, partly due to my “Marine” upbringing. I was taught from a young age that discipline and performance were paramount, so when I became a Christian I approached my relationship with God the same way. I remember I used to go through a long prayer list every day, worrying that I’d make a mistake and leave someone or something out. I also thought that in order to “get God on my team” there must be a certain formula, or specific actions that I needed to follow. But nothing I tried seemed to bring me feeling closer to God. Living on the Edge

Naturally, there are some basics we need to consider. For example, we need to make a daily habit of confessing our sin. If sin is the barrier in our relationship with God, then confession removes that barrier. When we confess our sins, He promises to forgive us of those sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (See 1 John 1:9) Forgiveness is what restores a strained relationship. However, confession is more than simply saying, “I’m sorry for my sin, God.” It is heartfelt contrition out of recognition that our sin is an offense to a Holy God. It is confession born out of realizing our sin nailed Jesus to the cross.

Of course, to have a closer relationship with God we need to listen when He speaks. Many people today are chasing a supernatural experience of hearing God’s voice, but Peter tells us we have something more sure, the prophetic word, to which we would do well to pay attention. That “more sure prophetic word” is the Bible. In the Bible, we hear God’s voice to us. It is through the God-breathed Scriptures that we become “thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (See 2 Timothy 3:16-17) If we want to grow closer to God, we should read His Word regularly. When we read Scripture, we are listening to God speak through it by his Spirit who illuminates the Word to us.

Another critical component is to speak to God daily through prayer.  The Gospels provide many examples of Jesus secreting Himself away to commune with the Heavenly Father. Prayer is much more than simply a way to ask God for things we need or want. Consider the model prayer that Jesus gives His disciples in Matthew 6:9-13. The first three petitions in that prayer are directed toward God (may His name be hallowed, may His kingdom come, may His will be done). The last three petitions are requests we make of God after we’ve taken care of the first three (give us our daily bread, forgive us our sins, lead us not into temptation). I have found that reading the Psalms on a regular basis has enhanced my prayer life. Many of the Psalms are heartfelt cries to God with adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, and supplication.

Obedience will help us grow closer to God. Jesus told His disciples in the upper room, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (See John 14:23) James tells us that as we submit ourselves to God through obedience, resist the devil, and draw near to God, He will draw near to us. (See James 4:7-8) Paul tells us in Romans 12:1 that our obedience is our “living sacrifice” of thanksgiving to God. I believe obedience is our proper response to the grace of God we received through salvation. We don’t earn salvation through our obedience, but we were bought with a price. Oh, what a tremendous price it was! The only true way we can show our love and gratitude toward God is to honor His Word.

It might sound simplistic, but consider how we develop a closer relationship with other human beings. We spend time with them in conversation, opening our hearts to them and listening to them at the same time. We acknowledge when we’ve done wrong and seek forgiveness. We love them. We treat them well and sacrifice our own needs to fulfill theirs. It’s not really that different with our relationship to our Heavenly Father. Surely, we have to admit to ourselves that we are social beings in need of relationship. Furthermore, we need to see relationship with God as critical to joy, peace, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging in an otherwise vast and scary universe.

How few people we know, or even know of, who experience the kind of closeness with God that our hearts long for. Even in Scripture only a handful of people seemed to have a special relationship with the Father. Abraham was called a friend of God. The Lord spoke with Moses face to face. Isaiah saw the Lord sitting on a throne. Paul was taken up into the third heaven, and the Apostle John had an incredible vision, which he recorded in the book of Revelation. These are not every day encounters with Jesus. Each of these individuals developed a closeness with God that ultimately changed their lives, as well as hundreds of millions of others over the last 2,000 years.

God does not have a secret society of intimate friends. We are as intimate with God as we choose to be. It is our desire, our abiding, our purity that will determine the depth of our intimacy with Him. Intimacy is understanding that I may feel “hinged” or “unhinged.” It is knowing that I must sit at the feet of Jesus, so that I can walk with integrity as His friend. It is experiencing the closeness of the Lord and at other times wondering if He is near. Essentially, intimacy is abandonment of ourselves to the Lord—abandonment born out of trust and an intense longing to know the living God.

Confession is Good For the Soul

We’ve all heard the saying “confession is good for the soul.” We know the word confession has several meanings. It is an acknowledgment of guilt. The act of admitting or disclosing one’s misdeed, fault or sin. Psalm 119 is a long chapter. It begins at verse 1 with “Happy are people with integrity, who follow the law of the Lord. Happy are those who obey His decrees and search for Him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in His paths…” Verse 26 says, “I have told you my plans.” (NLT)

The KJV says, “I have declared my ways, and you have heard me..”Verse 28 says, “My soul melts for heaviness: strengthen Thou me according to Your Word.” There is often a heaviness, a genuine sadness, that comes with doing wrong. We sometimes feel very bad when we do wrong. It is understandable that we often want to get things off our chest, so to speak. Verse 29 says, “Remove from me the way of lying: and grant me Your law gracefully.” You see, not confessing your faults is a form of deception. Open confession is good for the soul. Nothing brings more ease and more life to a man than a frank acknowledgment of the evil he has done. Evil weighs heavily on the heart. It can color your opinion of yourself. It can sap your energy, your drive, your ambition, and leave you lethargic. In fact, it can stop you from moving forward, from succeeding, as you believe the lie that you are no good and will amount to nothing. Not confessing your faults and cause you to retain them. Even repeat them.

If a man has the guts to admit his faults, his misdeeds, his sins, such a confession proves that the man knows his own condition. Our confessions are not meant to make God aware of what we’ve done wrong. He knows already. Our confessions are meant to make us truly aware of who we are. We can know, however, that God hears our confession. Our admission has been heard and accepted. Pardon follows upon sincere confession. It is in God’s nature to forgive our sinful ways when we from our hearts confess our evil ways.

Let’s look at 1 John 1:9. It says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This pertains to the acts of sins, whatever they might be; the sinner is to believe he has sinned as part of this confession. And a note about the word “all:” All means not some. All means all. Every sin. All sin was remitted, paid for, and put away on the cross when Jesus died for us. Let’s not forget, now, that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. We all need this great forgiveness. This substitution. Jesus Christ is that substitution. He is the ultimate sacrifice for our sins.

It is interesting to me that the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous include two steps for dealing with our sins, our defects of character, our wrongs. The Fourth Step instructs us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We are told to look deep. To leave out nothing. In fact, we’re warned that we are as sick as our secrets. This inventory must be written. We’re creatures who tend to rationalize and quantify our behavior. We also have a selective memory when it comes to judging our own bad behaviors. Besides, as the A.A. literature teaches, this written list of our wrongs will be our first tangible evidence of our intention to truly face ourselves and change.

So surely God sees our hearts when we come to the place in our lives where we want to confess our sins and put off our evil nature. I don’t know about you, but I have grown tired of being evil and rotten. Constantly misbehaving. Always lying, cheating, stealing, drinking and drugging, serving my flesh. Giving it whatever it wants. All it got me was a feeling that I am lost and broken and dirty.

The Bible tells us in 1 John 2:1. “My little children, these things I write unto you, that you sin not.” Now this verse presents the fact that the Lord saves us from sin, not in sin. This passage tells us that as Believers we don’t have to sin. Victory over sin is found exclusively in the Cross. The verse goes on to say, “…And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the Righteous.” In other words, Jesus now sits at the right hand of the Father, signifying that his mission is complete, and His very presence with the Father guarantees intercession on our behalf. Verse 2 says, “And He [that is, Christ Jesus] is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.” That word propitiation means substitute.

Leviticus 5:5 tells us, “And it shall be, when he shall be guilty of one of these things, that he shall confess that he hath sinned in that thing.” What I like about this verse is it tells us to be specific when we confess. Simply saying, “Father, forgive me for being in a bad mood today” is not very specific. If, however, our being in a bad mood caused us to gossip about someone, or to curse someone, we need to be specific in our confession rather than generic.

The Prophet Nehemiah said in Nehemiah 1:6, “Let Thine ear now be attentive, and Thine eyes open, that Thou mayest hear the prayer of Thine servant, which I pray before Thee now, night and day, for the children of Israel, Thy servants, and confess the sins of the children of Israel, which have sinned against Thee, both I and my father’s house have sinned.” We are to be vigilant about our our sins and iniquities, and we ought to pray for forgiveness night and day. There is much Biblical instruction for praying for the sins of our fellow Believers as well as our own. James 5:16 says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

We cannot help one another if we keep our sins to ourselves. We are not so unique that we are the only one who has committed certain sins. Our weaknesses are man’s weaknesses. They are as old as the fall from grace that occurred in the Garden of Eden. Our strength lies in admitting our weaknesses and seeking God’s help in conquering them. We are responsible for sharing our faith and our faults with one another. We are instructed to edify one another. We are never to speak ill of our brother. James 4:11 says, “Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaks evil of his brother, speaks evil of the law, and judges the law…”

If we build one another up, share our evil, or our wrongdoings, our mistakes, if you will, we contribute to the edifying of the saints. Jesus said this is a good thing. Remember when you were little and your mom or dad told you the stove was hot. Don’t touch. Remember that? That’s a prime example of passing knowledge and experience on to a younger or inexperienced generation in order to help that person avoid pain. We share our sins and our mistakes much in the same way. It teaches the body of Christ which behaviors don’t benefit us.

A.A. Meetings often have speakers come to tell their story. The person will introduce himself and admit to the group that he is an alcoholic. He has come to terms with the truth that he cannot handle alcohol in any amount. He is being honest with the group. He is confessing his faults to another. He continues in his talk describing what kinds of things happened when he drank. The bad behaviors, the evil, or, if you prefer, his sins. I for one misbehaved badly when under the influence of drugs or alcohol. My behavior was definitely sinful. I did so many bad things that they locked me up in state prison for three years. I was given an evaluation and told that I was a “sociopath.” I didn’t like to hear that, but it sure seemed true. What is a sociopath? It’s a person who exhibits antisocial behavior. I was insane with alcohol and drugs. I did not keep man’s laws. I did not keep God’s laws.

When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I felt a huge weight lifted off me. I suddenly realized I didn’t have to rot in prison for the rest of my life. I didn’t have to die for my sins. I remember confessing my crimes to a state trooper and feeling much better. I didn’t like going to jail, but I felt relief. I was free from all my secrets. There was nothing else I could do but be honest at that point. I believed in God and understood the Cross and forgiveness. When I strayed from the path in my later years, I remembered how sweet it was to be forgiven and washed clean.

But how does confessing my faults now as a born-again Christian help the body of Believers? Today, I don’t confess robbing gas stations, committing burglary, setting fires. Today, I confess things I consider character defects, such as lying or getting angry at a tailgater behind me in traffic and wishing they’d go to you know where. Today, I admit to being selfish and impatient. I admit to gossiping or judging. But why is this necessary?

Bringing our faults to the attention of the church gets them out in the open where they can be dealt with. Strength certainly exists in numbers. Strength comes from knowing as well. We know the Law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul. The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The Statutes of the Lord are right. The Commandments of the Lord are pure, enlightening the eyes. God has advised us that there is great reward in keeping his commandments. But who can understand his own errors? Who can cleanse himself from his own evil faults? There is no strength in aloneness when it comes to forgiveness and understanding. When we confess our faults one to another, we help build up the body of Christ. We teach each other why we are failing and miserable.

Remember, the Lord will hear you in the day of your trouble. He will send help your way. But who are you to tell God who he can use to help you? When you keep your evil thoughts to yourself, you rob God of the use of another member of the body of Christ for your troubles. God wants to see you succeed. He wants you to reach out. To edify one another. Romans 14:19 says, “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” In other words, let’s share with one another. Let’s not judge, or shun one another. Righteousness, peace and joy are acceptable to the Lord, not contention, quarreling, fighting, judging. Do not look down your nose at another Believer. Remember your own faults and secrets. Be willing to build up the body of Believers and not tear it down. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Wherefore, comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as you also do.”
It is fitting in a moment of weakness to lean upon one who is stronger. Help does not always come automatically, without asking. Confession is a form of asking for help. It is a biblical axiom that without confession there is no salvation; no help for our sinful condition. Thankfully, through open, honest confession we can be saved from our sinful death. Psalm 32:5 says, “I acknowledge my sin to you, and my iniquity I have not hidden…I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” Acts 2:21 simply says, “Whosoever calls on the Name of the Lord shall be saved.”

For the Christian, confession is not an option. We sin, and we confess, and our life with God goes on. It can’t be otherwise. The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works. If we have a good relationship with people in our church, and are willing and strong enough to confess our faults when we’re doing badly, this is the start of our having a good work to report. When asked how we’re doing, we can truly answer that we are doing good rather than doing evil. People who cover their sins will not prosper. But those who readily admit their faults to God and to another, and who seek prayer for their weaknesses, will receive mercy. Oh what a joy it is to have your secrets out, to have your rebellion forgiven. God says he will separate us from our sins as far as the east is from the west.

When we refuse to confess our faults (our sins), we become weak and miserable. We tend not to socialize with other believers as much. We feel like phonies. We sit around and groan all day long, feeling evil and dark. When we confess, however, and stop trying to hide our character flaws, our misdeeds, and confess our rebellion to the Lord, we are accepted, we are forgiven, and our guilt is gone. We once again feel like we are worthy of love and friendship and we tend to be more open and more full of joy.

In Psalm 51, David pours out a prayer for forgiveness and cleansing. “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to your loving kindness; according unto the multitude of Your tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.”

We simply cannot get this type of blessing from God if we hide our sins one from another. If we wrong a brother in the faith, we owe it to him to confess our offense and ask for his forgiveness. If we keep the offense hidden, we are cut off from him. If we fail to take that fault before the Father, we can cut ourselves off from His grace and power. God will not have fellowship with iniquity. He hates sin. Fortunately, he provided a way out of that iniquity by virtue of the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross. I’ve heard it said before that our bad behavior, our sin, can cut us off from the Sunlight of the Spirit. Once cut off, we feel lost and alone. We cannot learn. We cannot grow. No man is an island. This is especially true of us Christians. We are not to forsake the gathering together of ourselves. We are to watch out for one another. Pray for one another. Lay hands on and heal one another. Confess our faults one to another. It is through these selfless acts that we build up the church itself. The stronger the church, the more likely it can perform as Christ has instructed. Lean on one another, confess your sins one to another, forgive one another, and help one another to perform the perfect will of God. This is why confession is good for the soul.