Loneliness and God

IT WAS THE SIXTH DAY. God had just finished creating all the living creatures that move along the ground. As He had at each stage of creation, God paused and evaluated His work. Genesis 1:25b says, “And God saw that it was good.” Only one more task remained. “Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being” (Genesis 2:7, NIV). Here was God’s only creation that would not live its earthly life in total ignorance of its Creator. Rather, made in God’s image, Adam would fulfill a role no other creature could—he would walk in fellowship with God as the object of His love.

After placing Adam in the garden, God realized there was still something missing. “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him'” (Genesis 2:18, NIV). God recognized Adam’s need for human companionship—a need He built into Adam. More than just a fellow inhabitant of Eden, Eve would be the object of Adam’s love and would love him in return. She and Adam would share the wonders of creation and the responsibilities of stewardship. When God created Eve, Adam’s intimate relationship with God was actually enhanced by communion and companionship with someone like himself.

By design, we are social animals. God wanted it this way. Society is not something merely “added on” to our overall existence; rather, it stems from an important dimension intrinsic to human nature itself. In fact, we can only grow and attain our calling in union with others. We are called to exist for each other, but this is more than “co-existing.” It involves serving and loving one another. Jesus provided the ultimate example. He said, “…whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26b, 27, 28, NIV).

Struggling With Loneliness

If you are struggling with loneliness, you are not alone. Everyone experiences seasons of isolation for one reason or another. Usually, we are able to overcome our loneliness by meeting new friends, expanding our social circle, or making changes that help us re-engage with society. But a multitude of personal and other factors can sometimes short circuit our ability to connect with others. For example, it can be rather uncomfortable sometimes to meet new people. Relocating to a new area can cause a tremendous sense of homesickness.

Loneliness does not develop overnight. It can, in fact, be the result of a lifetime of influences that impact our personality. Happiness depends on intimate bonds. We need to be able to trust, confide, feel like we belong. Loneliness, as you might expect, comes in a variety of types. There is “new situation” loneliness, “I’m different” loneliness, “I have no sweetheart” loneliness, “I don’t have a pet” loneliness, “no time for me” loneliness,” “untrustworthy friends” loneliness, and “quiet-presence” loneliness.” Identifying the source of our loneliness goes a long way to figuring out how to address it. Introvert versus extrovert, sensing versus intuitive, thinking versus feeling, perceiving versus judging—each orientation presents its own unique approach to (or causes of) loneliness.

Jesus and Loneliness

Have you ever thought of Jesus as being lonely? Certainly his moments in Gethsemane and on Calvary were uniquely and terribly lonely, but what about the rest of his life? In some sense, he may have been the loneliest human in history. Loneliness is what we feel when we’re isolated from others. Loneliness often has less to do with the physical presence or absence of others, and more to do with feeling disconnected or alienated from them. It is possible to feel lonely in a room full of people.

Being misunderstood by others can cause us to feel lonely, as can being despised or rejected. This is precisely how Isaiah prophetically described Jesus in Isaiah 53:3: “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hid their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem” (NIV). Given who Jesus was, this experience would have begun decades before his public ministry even started. Jesus is able to sympathize with our loneliness far more than we might have previously thought (see Hebrews 4:15).

Being without sin, Jesus had to live among those who were full of sin: his parents, siblings, other relatives, neighbors, countrymen, foreigners, disciples, not to mention the sinful spiritual entities he encountered on a nearly daily basis. No one on earth could identify totally with Him. No one could put an arm around Him as he sat in tears and say, “I know exactly what you’re going through.”

What is Loneliness? How Can We Deal With It?

Loneliness is a complex and generally unpleasant emotional response to isolation. It stems from unmet social needs. Interestingly, the isolation can be self-imposed. This often occurs when we feel we cannot relate to others. Loneliness can have a negative impact on our emotional and physical health. The existentialist is quick to point out that when it comes down to it, we’re all alone at the end of the day.

Loneliness has an inner dimension. It is a thirst of the spirit, and the roots of loneliness are within each of us. But when we are in Christ, we have Him as our Lord and companion. As a follower of Jesus, we are part of God’s Kingdom and have a role to play. When we’re sad and lonely, or feel so alone, we need to remember that we are called to connect people with God. Intentionally living into our calling will help us overcome chronic loneliness. Being part of the Body of Christ means that each of us is connected to God and with fellow believers.

Concluding Remarks

At its root, loneliness is a spiritual issue. We don’t need to get more friends. We don’t need to write poetry or learn to paint. We need help with what makes us feel incomplete. We need a Savior. An Advocate. We need Jesus. Our emotional cry should not merely be, “I do bad things because I’m lonely, so someone come keep me company and make me feel better.” We need to understand we’re lonely because we’re sinners in a dark and fallen world and in need of God’s help. Sometimes what we call loneliness is actually what Scripture refers to as longing for unhindered intimacy with God. We start thinking other people can provide what only God can provide.

Everyone experiences loneliness in life. No one is exempt. We were created for togetherness, which is why, even before the Fall, God declared that man being alone was not good (see Genesis 2:18). Loneliness is an indicator that something is missing; something that is found only in Jesus Christ. He completes what’s missing, that thing we identify as “loneliness,” beginning from the moment we are joined to Him in faith and brought to completion in glory. In other words, the primary reason we are lonely is that we aren’t home yet. God created us for communion with Him, and therefore loneliness will be fully eradicated only when we get to heaven. That’s why everyone—young or old, single or married—experiences loneliness. Relief comes only as we acknowledge our loneliness and turn to God and his Word for the help and understanding we need.

In Scripture, we discover that God is present in our loneliness. He is there in times of grief and in times of discouragement. He is there when others forsake us, and when our hopes are disappointed. He never leaves us, not even when our loneliness springs from our sin and bad choices. Ultimately, those who belong to God through Christ Jesus are never really alone, and because that’s true, loneliness does not have to characterize us. Isn’t that a relief?

Life’s Poetry

April is National Poetry Month. Typically, I celebrate by sharing poetry with my blog followers. If ambitious enough, I will be posting a new poem each day for the remainder of April. Below you will find a poem by Tosha Michelle. I discovered the wonderful, brilliant, persuasive poetry of Tosha when she first commented on one of my poems. I started following her blog immediately. I am sure you will be swept up by the imagery of “Life’s Poetry.”

I sit. Heart in hand. I
create. Some of you
may turn away from
the blood. The red
spilling over. It’s OK
if you do.

Sometimes it scares
me too, but still I
hold it. Palms out.
I’m giving you what
frightens me. This
is me saying, yes, I’m
still here.

I give you my less than
moments, my insecurities,
my madness, my ideas
about life and love, my
shrine of longing.

My heart slipping from
my hands, falling past
my knees to the floor.

Falling toward your
shadow I hope you
will pick it up.
Feel the hopeful
beat that wars
with my still
soul and chaotic
mind. I give you
my wounds.

We connect through
our pain, my friend,
my reader. Through
the hornets in our
coffee cups. Our
syllables of what
we can’t forget.

As we suffer together,
fear becomes less.
Our hearts beat stronger.
Place them on the
dashboard like a
plastic Jesus.

It’s doesn’t matter if
they leak on the
floorboard. It only
matters that we travel on,
even if we’ve misplaced
the map, even if our sanity
becomes displaced, even if
we drive down a reckless road
on a moonless night.

Understand, if we want
heaven and angels,
sometimes we have
to ride around with
our demons.

Understand, sometimes,
darkness is the heart of
life, of beauty, of art.

-Tosha Michelle

Please click on the following link for more of Tosha Michelle’s engaging poetry: https://laliterati.com/category/poems/

Fill Me Up

Because I’m an empty vessel
waiting to be filled
I find myself flirting with sin.
I do it by way of pen
and paper. Trying to stitch
hope into my skin,
I snuggle inside words. Poetry
can’t hurt me the way a
man can. In verse, I can build
anticipation again. Doors open
inside my head. Verbs press
against me, hard and
wanton. I find a sacred niche
between the lines. Here
I take the light. Here it never
darkens or leaves.
Devotion blesses me with sweetness
and excess.
Heaven is found in scenes that are
too scary and loud to live.

I’m an empty vessel.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Romancing myself with
my poetic wooings.
Damming myself to things
conjured. A Paradise
devoid of air, the shadows of
a scarred soul, and the
language of mangled spirit
Waiting to be loved again.

©2018 Tosha Michelle

You can visit Tosha’s blog by clicking here.

Being in Relationship With God

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? (Psalm 42:2) (NIV)

What a fantastic Scripture reference. It speaks of a profound desire to commune with God. As I often do, I grabbed Eugene H. Peterson’s The Message Remix: The Bible in Contemporary Language, and I turned to Psalm 42. Peterson translates the first few verses as follows: “A White-tailed deer drinks from the creek; I want to drink God, deep drafts of God. I’m thirsty for God – alive. I wonder, ‘Will I ever make it – arrive and drink in God’s presence?'” (The Message)

Let’s consider what it means to be in a relationship. Dictionary.com says relationship is “a connection, association, or involvement…an emotional or other connection.” We are social animals. God created us that way. Genesis 2:18 tells us God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (NLT) So it is only natural that we are created for being in relationship with God. Obviously, all relationships require work. They don’t just happen. When it comes to a relationship with God, we tend to feel as though we inherited our faith from our parents, and that we are one of His. Although family does have an impact on what we believe, the time comes when we must decide for ourselves. Until we make that decision, there is no real basis for relationship.

Foundation is important in all things, including relationships. Decide what you truly feel about God and tell Him. He’s big enough. He can take it. You can’t tell Him something He hasn’t already heard. My mentor and friend from church  believes in writing a letter to God. You might be thinking, as I did initially, “But God must know this stuff already, right? He knows the number of hairs on my head.” True, but the letter will serve as a cement slab on which you can erect your relationship with God. (Write out your concerns, doubts, and feelings in long-hand. I recommend not using your laptop for this exercise. A handwritten note is more personal.)

The number-one key in a good relationship is knowing your expectations.  Once you establish the base for your relationship with God, you can begin to build upon it every day through prayer and devotional reading of the Scriptures. I can’t overstate this point: Don’t sit on negative feelings too long. Otherwise, you will develop an offense or resentment toward God. Satan loves this because it tends to cut us off from God. As much as this is true in relationships with friends, family, or spouses, it is more so in a relationship with your Heavenly Father. The longer you wait to talk, the harder it gets. If you’re mad at God, go to Him as soon as possible. Preferably in a private place.

Man-Kneeling-In-Prayer-Silhouette

Relationship is about finding and meeting God. As Perrott puts it, “It’s about starting and nurturing an honest relationship with our Creator. It’s about coming to terms with ourselves.” Sarah Young is the author of a daily devotional titled Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence.” Her reading for March 17, says, in part, “Come to Me for understanding since I know you far better than you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity; no detail of your life is hidden from Me. I view you through eyes of grace, so don’t be afraid…when no one else seems to understand you, simply draw closer to Me. Rejoice in the One who understands you completely and loves you perfectly.”

The following comments are from Chip Ingram, Teaching Pastor at Living on the Edge. I was truly shocked by how much I could relate, minus the Marine upbringing part. Relationships, whether with a spouse or Almighty God, cannot be fear-based. Having a real, intimate relationship with God is not about using the right words, spiritual techniques, twisting God’s arm, or trying to live a perfect life. As we grow closer to Him, we come to see that He already knows our heart.

I spent many years living under a performance mentality, partly due to my “Marine” upbringing. I was taught from a young age that discipline and performance were paramount, so when I became a Christian I approached my relationship with God the same way. I remember I used to go through a long prayer list every day, worrying that I’d make a mistake and leave someone or something out. I also thought that in order to “get God on my team” there must be a certain formula, or specific actions that I needed to follow. But nothing I tried seemed to bring me feeling closer to God. Living on the Edge

Naturally, there are some basics we need to consider. For example, we need to make a daily habit of confessing our sin. If sin is the barrier in our relationship with God, then confession removes that barrier. When we confess our sins, He promises to forgive us of those sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (See 1 John 1:9) Forgiveness is what restores a strained relationship. However, confession is more than simply saying, “I’m sorry for my sin, God.” It is heartfelt contrition out of recognition that our sin is an offense to a Holy God. It is confession born out of realizing our sin nailed Jesus to the cross.

Of course, to have a closer relationship with God we need to listen when He speaks. Many people today are chasing a supernatural experience of hearing God’s voice, but Peter tells us we have something more sure, the prophetic word, to which we would do well to pay attention. That “more sure prophetic word” is the Bible. In the Bible, we hear God’s voice to us. It is through the God-breathed Scriptures that we become “thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (See 2 Timothy 3:16-17) If we want to grow closer to God, we should read His Word regularly. When we read Scripture, we are listening to God speak through it by his Spirit who illuminates the Word to us.

Another critical component is to speak to God daily through prayer.  The Gospels provide many examples of Jesus secreting Himself away to commune with the Heavenly Father. Prayer is much more than simply a way to ask God for things we need or want. Consider the model prayer that Jesus gives His disciples in Matthew 6:9-13. The first three petitions in that prayer are directed toward God (may His name be hallowed, may His kingdom come, may His will be done). The last three petitions are requests we make of God after we’ve taken care of the first three (give us our daily bread, forgive us our sins, lead us not into temptation). I have found that reading the Psalms on a regular basis has enhanced my prayer life. Many of the Psalms are heartfelt cries to God with adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, and supplication.

Obedience will help us grow closer to God. Jesus told His disciples in the upper room, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (See John 14:23) James tells us that as we submit ourselves to God through obedience, resist the devil, and draw near to God, He will draw near to us. (See James 4:7-8) Paul tells us in Romans 12:1 that our obedience is our “living sacrifice” of thanksgiving to God. I believe obedience is our proper response to the grace of God we received through salvation. We don’t earn salvation through our obedience, but we were bought with a price. Oh, what a tremendous price it was! The only true way we can show our love and gratitude toward God is to honor His Word.

It might sound simplistic, but consider how we develop a closer relationship with other human beings. We spend time with them in conversation, opening our hearts to them and listening to them at the same time. We acknowledge when we’ve done wrong and seek forgiveness. We love them. We treat them well and sacrifice our own needs to fulfill theirs. It’s not really that different with our relationship to our Heavenly Father. Surely, we have to admit to ourselves that we are social beings in need of relationship. Furthermore, we need to see relationship with God as critical to joy, peace, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging in an otherwise vast and scary universe.

How few people we know, or even know of, who experience the kind of closeness with God that our hearts long for. Even in Scripture only a handful of people seemed to have a special relationship with the Father. Abraham was called a friend of God. The Lord spoke with Moses face to face. Isaiah saw the Lord sitting on a throne. Paul was taken up into the third heaven, and the Apostle John had an incredible vision, which he recorded in the book of Revelation. These are not every day encounters with Jesus. Each of these individuals developed a closeness with God that ultimately changed their lives, as well as hundreds of millions of others over the last 2,000 years.

God does not have a secret society of intimate friends. We are as intimate with God as we choose to be. It is our desire, our abiding, our purity that will determine the depth of our intimacy with Him. Intimacy is understanding that I may feel “hinged” or “unhinged.” It is knowing that I must sit at the feet of Jesus, so that I can walk with integrity as His friend. It is experiencing the closeness of the Lord and at other times wondering if He is near. Essentially, intimacy is abandonment of ourselves to the Lord—abandonment born out of trust and an intense longing to know the living God.